So last night, Devra and I were just drinking "the pain" (my parents don't love me, or whatever) away in "Brooklyn" when we decided to get "wild." In order to get "wild," we walked down the hall to our neighbor's apartment. Our neighbors, "Dj" Chico and "that other guy," were really boring. They were all like, "you're 15, right?" and i was like "fuck you guys, i'm legal!" and they were all like, "seriously, keep your clothes on!" and i was all like, "fuck you guys, i'm legal!" To calm me "down", Chico decided to "DJ" a little bit. It was rly fun, it was all like: "womp womp siren LET ME CLEAR MY (SIREN)" It was so good. IT was almost as good as like the justices, or like Dizzy D. Anyway, I vomited all over his DJ equipment, cause like, I thought that's what people were into (lol). So they kicked us out of their apartment. And since nobody was on videochat, I had to text everyone I've ever met to see what was "going on."
I texted Stephen "Aoki," famous for being "an asshole" and a "dj" and "sometimes" a "model."
Me: "yo, stephen, what's good?"
Stephen: "my name isn't stephen. it's steve."
Me: "lol k. stephen, what r u doing 2nite?"
Stephen: "... I'm actually 'djing' at a hot 'club' tonight."
Me: "omg really? can i come?"
Stephen: "ya totally. who is this again?"
Me: "lol. it's melissa. u came to my party"
Stephen: "oh fuck u, u hipster piece of shit, yr roommate gave me beef... i'm vegan!"
Me: "oh sry. so where is this party?"
Me: "stephen?"
Me: "lol"
Then I called him like, 8 times. which is stupid, cause i've been trying to play "hard 2 get," but i got so drunk that I forgot! lol!
Anyway, last night, the cobrasnake called me and was all like "Steve doesn't wanna hang out with you anymore." and I was all like, "who's Steve?"
RIP STEPHEN
But seriously, Stephen and I have been hanging out for a while. Here's a pic, of me, stephen, and my mom last week:
Anyway, the Cobrasnake was like, a total liar. Cause Stephen called me later in the night, and was all like, yo, let's go to this "bar" in "williamsburg." So Devra, Stephen, Dave 1, DJ AM, and I all went to this bar in "the burg." They proceeded to buy us like, a lot of drinks. Like, a lot being a number greater than 3. After that, Stephen was all like "let's go back to my apartment." So we went back to his apartment, and then they all smoked "dat ganj" and sat on their macbooks for three hours. It was rly lame. I was just trynna get my dick wet, and I just ended up with really bad dry mouth.
RIP STEPHEN
Anyway, this morning, Devra woke up to go to work, and I woke up to follow her around/loiter. Now I find myself in a strange coffee shop in "Dumbo" or "Elephant" or whatever part of BK I'm in. I feel rly bad cause thers this guy sitting next 2 me, and he's like been lookin over my shoulder this whole time "LOL I CAN SEE U" and hes like rly jealous of my adventures in "Brooklyn."
I think I need to vom.
I'm serious.
LOL GUY NEXT 2 ME, WANT 2 GET ME A BAG OR SOMETHING TO VOM IN?
LOL I SEE U READING THIS.
LOL THANKZ.
2 comments:
you forgot the part of the night when we rescued dj am from that plane crash in the hudson and that guy from blink 182 was all like 'yo what about me' and we were like 'peace.'
yeah, i totally forgot about that. i also forgot about how i vomited into stephen's backpack. turns out it was full of that "yay"... so now i owe him like 20 grand. lol.
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