my clothes are too big

TRANSform Me: Phaea

2010-05-16T17:10:00.005-04:00

In this episode of “TRANSform Me,” the makeover subject is Phaea, a woman in her late twenties who desires a makeover for her upcoming engagement party. The three transgender makeover specialists arrive in an ambulance called the “Glambulance,” portraying a sense of urgency, which heavily correlates with the life or death rhetoric depicted in “Intervention.”

Once the three “transgender women” arrive in her home, a term that is often repeated to reiterate their capacity for conducting visible “transformations,” they immediately draw attention to the ways in which her clothing may or may not “turn on” her husband. Her “walk around the house clothing,” is then stigmatized as that which does not adhere to the normative belief that female-bodied individuals must embody a position of a hyper-feminine sexualized object. They emphasize her choice of underwear as that which is too “frumpy” and not “sexy” enough for her husband’s sexual delight. In focusing solely on her appearance in terms of her contribution to her heterosexual relationship, the show is situated within a heteronormative discourse, implying that only normative (heterosexual) women are capable of cosmetic rehabilitation. This sense of rehabilitation is supported as the transgender women often discuss beauty as that which comes from the inside out, as well as by displaying images of the women from when they were previously “more together” in their appearance. The makeover specialists explicitly state that they are “uniquely qualified” to conduct such makeovers, as they have similarly unleashed their own “inner womanhood” on the outside, as well as on the inside. Phaea herself even states, “I was almost intimidated because they’re so much more ‘women’ than I think I could ever be,” reaffirming the hyper-femininity of the transgender women as that which all women should embody.

The episode proceeds as makeover specialist Laverne takes Phaea away to “have a heart-to-heart,” in which they discuss the root cause of her “affliction,” while the other makeover specialists Jaime and Nina search through her closet, situating Phaea as a spectacle in which her feminine presentation is infantilized. In her heart-to-heart with Laverne, Phaea cites her mother’s lack of femininity as the cause of her “unhappiness” and “lack of control” with her appearance. This rhetoric of “being out of control” is essential to the rehabilitative process, as that which necessitates this process, and one that which we have found is integral in all rehabilitative reality television shows. In stigmatizing the non-normative, the viewer is made to believe the universal underlying potential for all to be “rehabilitated” to appear more visibly normative. As Jaime and Nina search through her closet, they often comment in disgust upon items of clothing that “do not belong in a female closet” and “ew, boys clothes,” reinforcing seemingly uniform clothing in adherence to gender binaries, and re-stabilizing their own femininity.

The episode progresses as Laverne, Jaime, and Nina attempt to make Phaea “more sexy” from the inside out beginning with a burlesque photo shoot that is to act as an “empowering” step. They dress her in a purportedly “sexy” outside of garters and a bustier, which Phaea feels is “not sexy” because it seems to be a “fake sexy,” rather than authentic. This constructs strict and static boundaries of “sexy” for the viewer, and resituates Phaea as a spectacle due to her desire to embody a “sexiness” that exists outside of those boundaries. The makeover specialists encourage her to proceed with the photo shoot, as it will allow her to exhibit this sense of “inner sexiness,” although the act of photographing her “sexiness” dehumanizes her as a sexual commodified object, to be consumed by her fiancée.

Phaea’s rehabilitation is completed with the reveal of her cosmetic makeover to her fiancée, family, and friends at her engagement party. Laverne, Jaime, and Nina appear at the engagement party wearing similar sparkly dresses, making them appear uniform in presentation and depicting to the viewer a notion of a seemingly static visibility for transgender women through emphasizing their ‘othered’ identities as transgender women. The fiancée’s positive reaction is the most emphasized during the reveal, marking the success of the makeover as one that rehabilitated Phaea to fit within a heteronormative framework of feminine sexualized embodiment. The episode ended with us feeling pretty…weird, because we thought she looked better before her “rehabilitation”… And her name means ugly in Spanish... Weird..

miss u guyz

2009-07-22T16:47:00.001-04:00

srsly.

hey guys lol

2009-07-17T15:49:00.002-04:00

we're not freshmens anymore isn't that krazie?

i'm still in oberlin

2009-05-29T13:30:00.002-04:00

don't forget about me!!!!!!!!!!!

even grifters have feelings

2009-05-05T18:58:00.000-04:00

Meet the Hipster Grifter from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

human after all, yall.

on gettin' yr d wet

2009-04-28T20:37:00.002-04:00

oh my god, i forgot about the internet,
i also forgot about this GEM of a blog post that i posted when i was super wasted on wine, vodka, beer, and opium tea the other night... i think it was a Tuesday. FUCK YEAH I LUV 2 RAGE.

"Dear Bloggie,
I am so wastie right now. I am relaly fucked up.

I just texted a boy that I once slept with once upon a time or maybe like ten times: "this shit is also so gay like really homo"

What is happening 2 my life

I am naked in bed eating a toblerone

O hmy god this is the internet

Love

P.S. shit fuck i am so fucked up"

yo that shit was like, mad beautiful or whatever, nah mean? anyway, i am pretty positive that i have the swine flu. get ready 2 die.

SWINE FLU
SWINE FLU
SWINE FLU
SWINE FLU
SWINE FLU
SWINE FLU
DEATHDEATHDEATH
DEATH
DEATH
DEATH
DEATH

MURDERDEATH
MURDERDEATH
MURDERDEATH

get yr d wet
sk8 or die

smell them pheromones motherfucker

I HAVENT SLEPT IN THREE DAYS FUCK YOU

R.I.P. My Clothes Are Too Big

2009-02-01T11:36:00.002-05:00

Instead of posting here, we will all now just check Fake Tats religiously!!!

RIGHT?!?!?

successesse

2009-02-01T10:36:00.001-05:00

behold: the morning glory spoils of success!!! a bountiful feastfest of keut azn trinkets; a cornucopia of exciting school supplies; also, a peice of gum.

good news, yall

2009-01-31T15:11:00.001-05:00

i know that most of you are back at obgynerlin, but some of us have more important things to do than "go back to school a lil early and get our drank on." namely, some of us have to go to morning glory and buy kute planners, mechanical pencils, sushi erasers, bento boxes, plastic chopsticks, and soapy strawberry-flavored gum for schooltimefuns.
there are no sanrios in northern new jersey, because of some hello kitty bukaki scandal or some 'thing', but we do have "morning glory", a knockoff sanrio employed exclusively by koreans (in cages.) and so, armed with the money that my parents put back into my account after i told them i was lonely and going to sell my body for cocaine (lol remebr when i was broke?), i woke up this morning with dog hair all over tony's jacket and a goal: get to morning glory.

howevar, i forgot that i don't have a car because my parents keep catching me "relapse", and that i also don't have any friends that aren't

a. twenty five years old and in brooklyn, or

b. twelve years old and in oberlin

so i decided to call "morning glory" and attempt to strike a deal with these koreuns, through broken english and several miscommunications. call log, after the jump!

jump

caged korean: moning groly?

devra: hello, what are your store hours?

ck: seven tirty.

d: you close at seven thirty?

ck: no, open seven tirty.

d: right, when do you close?

ck: seven tirty. you want come?

d: well, yeah, i want come, but i can't get there right now and i was wondering when you close so i can see if my mother can drive me when she gets back from work.

ck: ..... you come then?

d: when?

ck: seven tirty?

d: not unless you're open then. are you open at seven thirty?

ck: open, close, seven tirty.

d: ............. what?

then she hung up on me.

ayway, it's 3:28 now, and my mommy should be home by 5, so i guess i'll pack all my stuffs, peek around in the medicine cabinet for expired depression medication, and hang out with offie.

offie, the portable funfest. comes with nonremovable giant plastic neck-cone.

I'm Honestly Incredibly Fascinated

2009-01-31T01:55:00.001-05:00

Watch CBS Videos Online

???

2009-01-29T18:41:00.001-05:00

A Hi-ENERGEE vid 4 u

2009-01-29T18:20:00.001-05:00

I'M A BLOG MACHINE

2009-01-29T11:14:00.001-05:00

I'M HERE TO PROMOTE MY NEW BLOG WIF CLIFF THE BLOG IS CALLED

HOME RUN BOAT

http://homerunboat.blogspot.com/

HOME RUN BOAT!!!

http://homerunboat.blogspot.com/

ALSO FAKE TATTOOS IS NOW SPORTING A DOPE HOST AND THAT MEANS YOU CAN JUST GO TO MY BLOG AND CLICK THE TITLE OF A SONG AND IT DOWNLOADS RIGHT AWAY!! NO MORE ZSHARE!!!!

I'm bored and I don't want to write my screenplay.

2009-01-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

I'm getting angstier every day. I'm really bored, so I am going to write a clusterfuck post. Mostly, This is me telling you that you shouldn't read this if you have something better to do. Because it is going to be long, and really not funny or interesting at all.

The face I am making while I write this post.

I have been in Candyland for approximately 8 days. I have already blogged about how I spend all of my time lurking coffee shops, or stealing electricity from UCSD. I have already blogged about how fucking angsty I am. But it's time to blog about some real shit. Some real life shit. Mostly, how much "Cali" rules (from a dudebro's standpoint) and how much my old high school sucks.

Firstly: A Dudebro's Description of "Cali"

I really miss Oberlin. A total dudebro asked me why I missed Ohio, and then he proceeded to describe to me how much California rocks.

Cali is the best, Cali has the best ganj, the best surf, and the best looking girls. Sometimes, I smoke ganj in my car and then go sit on sunset cliffs and watch the sunset over the ocean. It is like, totally beautiful. Like, and then I smoke more ganj, and then I get a burrito, and then I go to bed. and I wake up, and I smoke ganj and go to High School. And it's just like, the best existence ever. I love cali. Why would u ever want to leave? Like, Seriously: The ganj! It's the best ganj!

CALI. GANJ. SURF. BURRITOS. DUDEBRO.

I know, it's confusing, why would I ever want 2 leave? I love to surf, and I love ganj.

But I think it is time to expose the truth about Candyland, and that is through a detailed description of my old high school.

The biggest joke about being at home again, is being around my old high school.

It is a legitimate place. It is a strange place. It is a ghei place. I think they describe it best on their website:

BISHOP'S IS A FAMILY
Step on to the campus of The Bishop's School and you enter an uncommon place. The grassy Quad, the distinctive Irving Gill designed buildings, St. Mary's Chapel and its tower with a gold-tiled dome, all contribute to a setting that fits the vision of the School's founder, Ellen Browning Scripps,"... that the silent influences of environment play a part in the deepening and development of the mind."

As a college preparatory school, Bishop's believes that certain skills, knowledge, and the ability to reason are necessary to meet the demands of a college education and to benefit from it. The School's affiliation with the Episcopal Church reflects the belief that knowledge combined with a spiritual awareness better enables students to function as caring, effective adults in today's world. At Bishop's, the focus is on developing the whole person.

~*The QuAd*~

~*CaNdyLanD*~

The only think that The Bishop's School has made me is angsty. Really fucking angsty. like, FML I'm upper class! and like, why doesn't anyone else listen to Godspeed you! Black Emperor?

TBS NVR4G3TTTTTTTT

I visited my old high school when I came back earlier this month. But I have not returned since I have left BK (NVR4G3tT 170 TILLARY ST). Last time I returned, it was appropriate. It was "Winter Break", people were still around. However, now that everyone is gone, I am a lone warrior roaming the streets of La Jolla (commonly referred to as Lj, or L-gay).

I have not yet returned to the Bishop's School campus, however, I have seen every single student from my old high school at least once in the last week.

This is what I have learned:

Everyone at my old high school thinks they are alt because they like the new animal collective album.

Everyone at my old high school thinks that I am "crazy" for not wearing "pants" in this "freezing" weather (it is 64 degrees.)

Everyone at my old high school thinks that Oberlin is in Germany. (Get it? Oh, Berlin!.. Omg that's so witty)

Everyone at my old high school thinks that I have no home, and that I purely lurk Coffee Shops.

Everyone at my old high school thinks I am a lesbian (because I wear Doc Martens, and because I hang out with Esra all the time)

Everyone at my old high school looks like Malibu Barbie.

Everyone at my old high school "doesn't understand" me.

Ultimately, Everyone at my old high school... sucks.

But mostly,

Everyone at my old high school thinks I dropped out of college.

I have explained to everyone that this is true, but only so I can become an artist. Nobody understands my jokes. My fellow Bishops School Class of '08 friend Alex, has also dropped out of college (apparently). He and I are the only ones here this time of year. Because of this, we have dropped out of college. Because we are the only ones here, and because we go to Grocery Stores together, we are also apparently dating.. Maybe it's because we go to grocery stores and buy heart-shaped candy to make "art" out of?

~*CaNdy Art*~ *~ LUV *~

*~My BoyFrienD*~ (Joe JONAS LOL)

To end this blog post, that really sucks, I have decided to enlist the help of the Bishop's School for Boys and Girls website:

Members of The Bishop's School will maintain integrity, honor, responsible citizenship, and respect for the rights of others.*

*Unless yr gay or if you dropped out of college.

THE BISHOP'S SCHOOL FOR BOYS AND GIRLS, FOUNDED IN 1909 NVR4G3T

P.S. I have re-titled my winter term project "Chain-smoking outside of La Jolla Coffee Shops with my new boyfriend Alex Meyer because I dropped out of college."*

*Also, "Getting Angstier every day"

2009-01-28T20:44:00.000-05:00

SAY "NO TO "DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Blogging

2009-01-28T20:23:00.000-05:00

I know nothing about blogging, and really very little html so this is going to be a simple post.

I listen to Bangin dance tracks all day and night, so I'm gonna put up a small portion of my playlist from the last few weeks, no guarantee these songs are new or you don't got em:

Right before I was about to play the harkness rave at school I was looking for more ravey things to be able to play as I'm an electro dj (Now a days that wouldn't be a problem) but he heard about my search and introduced me to the song rubber man (miles Dyson remix). The song is amazing, so naturally when I see miles dyson pop up I have to get his stuff. This song is harsh to say the least,

http://www.mediafire.com/file/tznj03tiz1z/Melodik Hypnotik (Miles Dyson Remix).mp3

I don't really know much about Mr. Vega (although I see his name around) but he has been putting out a lot of things which are not bad. One of his newest releases, a remix of ladyhawke, really shows how much vega has improved over time:

http://www.mediafire.com/file/zkzwtntmwn2/01 Back Of The Van (Mr. Vega Remix).mp3

Mr favorite song by Yuksek from his most recent E.P. Tonight. No more needs to be said:

http://www.mediafire.com/file/tdmnyvnjzmn/Deladeu2 (Edit).mp3

Russ Chimes is someone who blogs have really been giving a lot of attention to, I didn't actually bother to listen to him until like last week, but have really come to like his original stuff (at least a lot more then his remixes). She's got the heat and especially Mulsanne show a mix of epic buildup, synth pop rhythms and lines, and still an electro feel. According to Michael, the sounds I like to use are similar to his, but that makes sense as most of what I write are synth pop lines and really every song I make has to have at least one long buildup.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/yjotmyjgqml/Mulsanne.mp3

http://www.mediafire.com/file/xzmfhytzzmm/She's Got The Heat.mp3

This is a really old one, its from Toxic's demo. But I feel like the Toxic Avenger really should be bigger then he is because all of his stuff is just incredible. In my opinion he is one of the best producers out there right now (his remix of too young by the secret handshakes is by far one of my favorite remixes of all time). I have not met anybody at Oberlin (unless I didn't realize it) who likes toxic avenger to the point of really knowing his stuff, it makes me sad:

http://www.mediafire.com/file/znmffyi5zgn/06 Poker Face.mp3

-Bastille

Supplement to Previous Post

2009-01-28T18:12:00.000-05:00

I have compiled a few images to simulate "Hallucinating" on "Psychedelics". This shit is so "Trippy". ENJOY LOL

collecting the chaos

2009-01-27T10:51:00.000-05:00

before you read this post, put this song on. because that's what i'm listening to and i'm just trying to get close to you, that's why. oh, and put on a chartreuse scarf if you have one, too. you don't? yeah, you're right, it would be kind of gay if you had one. no, it's not gay if i have one, because i had it first. i'm not gay. i had it first. i'm NOT. stop it!!!! MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!

the black ghosts - repetition kills you[it's zshare, so rmbr 2 take the 'dumb test' lols]

anyway, here's the gimmick for today. i'm leaving brooklyn sometime in the next two to four days (nevermind that everyone else bailed early... I HOPE CANDYLAND, PHILLY, WESLEYAN, AND MANHATTAN ARE FUN (respectively), GUYZ), and i decided to keep a running tally of our expenses from the past month. is the song playing yet? okay?? cool!! yeah!!!

1. cigarettes (subcategories: american spirits, camels, nat mints, parliaments, 27s, those fucking rollies someone left)

american spiritz: one carton, two packs (twelve packs)

camels: one carton, six packs (sixteen packs)

nat mints: two packs

parliaments: one pack

twenty sevens: four packs.

rollies: someone left a packet and we rolled ten before vomming.

SUBTOTAL: 36 packs

BUM TAX: -1 packs

BUM TIP: +2 packs

TOTAL: 37 packs (roughly 740 cigarettes)

2. paper products (subcategories: paper towels, toilet paper, post-it notes, napkins, tissues)

paper towels: six rolls

toilet paper: four rolls (ew)

post-it notes: one pad, at work.

napkins: none. foul.

tissues: three boxes

used for nose purposes: one box.

used for 'other' purposes: two boxes.

3. foods (subcategories: eating out, eating in, molly stein rampage)

eating out: blue ribbon, indian food, thai food.

payed for by tony weiss: 3/4

payed for by mrs decker: 1/4

eating in: pancakespancakespancakes

molly stein rampage: the rest of the chocolate chips, the water crackers, apples and honey, probably melissa's zipper tights.

4. steve aoki (subcategories: break-ins, times we saw him following us on the street, dance parties)

break-ins: this morning i woke up and he was rubbing raw pancake batter on his nipples.

times we saw him following us on the street: i can't tally this because he is probably hiding behind the CD shelves and i bet i will see him on the subway home, too.

dance parties: with more than forty people: one. with me and melissa dancing alone: fourty.

fuck this actually, i'm bored, and i'm still upset about you calling me gay. NO, that was NOT okay!!!!!

[categories unmention'd: asians in the apartment, alcohol (subcategories: bought, stolen), amphetamines, bro neighbors, fraternities, roof trips, flights of stairs conquered, dogs (muffins, laila).]

basically what i'm saying is that each and every one of you owes me $100 to cover expenses.

i accept cash, check, yarn, and hamsters (fat ones only, plz.)

This is a True Story

2009-01-26T22:13:00.000-05:00

I would like to start by saying:

This is a true story.

I will begin.

My room has no heat, or at least it feels that way. I brought this issue to my father's attention, and he responded by saying that this is simply untrue. He continued to say that my room does, in fact, have heat, and the heat is controlled by the same thermostat that controls the heat in my parents' room. He explained that my room feels "cold"

because it loses something like 74% of its heat through the floor because the garage beneath is very frigid and needy and also quite selfish. My dear father concluded his micro-lecture by saying I should "quit my complaining", because he had, months earlier, plugged in a space heater next to my dresser.

Ordinarily, I would "comply" and I would "stop belly-aching", BUT with recent temperatures consistently below zero, the space heater does little to promote a liveable and sleepable environment in my bedroom. Each time I walk through t

he door it is like embarking on a new Arctic voyage. After a few nights of experimentation, I finally found a relatively effective blanket layering method. It goes like this: the bottom layer is a bedsheet, followed by a fleece blanket, followed by a down comforter, followed by a quilt. I have found though, that this situation does nothing to solve the problem of frozen ears and nose, and the circulation in my feet still could not compensate for the frigid nature of the "bottom of the covers" portion of my bed.

On a lighter note,

I watched Blue Velvet yesterday.

Kyle MacLachlan is Sooo tuggable in this movie

by the way I wasn't joking

Electr(o)icity

2009-01-25T17:06:00.001-05:00

HEY GUYS! Ever since I got back to Candy Land, I haven't really been doing much other than sitting at coffee shops, chain-smoking, smoking a lot of ganj, smoking crack, killing hoes, and practicing my "game."

However, recently I decided to be "productive." So I hung out with this random kid, who is apparently going to be your "future classmate," and we decided to fuck some shit up (kind of).

Because we go to Oberlin, and we are "fearless",

"This Kid" and I decided to go to UCSD and steal their electro/city while taking photographs of the process, in order to be "authentic"/ artsy in "2k8"+1

Seriously though, electricity is a big d. and we stole a lot of it. We stole like, probably 50 pictures worth of electricity.

All I'm sayin' is that, my new winter term project is "vandalizing other colleges" through "stealing" electricity.

NVR 4G3T

OBERLIN: FEARLESS

SOBERLIN: BEERLESS

HUNTERLIN: BEARLESS

DRUNKERLIN: PANTSLESS

CHASESTONERLIN: ELECTRICITY-LESS

ALSO, FUCK UCSD.

Please Watch The Hi Def Version Of This

2009-01-25T15:13:00.001-05:00

am i too jewish?

2009-01-25T14:32:00.000-05:00

devra is making fun of me for having jewish shirts. what a nazi.

RS=RODEPH SHOLOM/ JEWISH DAY SCHOOL

YEAAHHHHH JDS

IDF AIR FORCE

WON IT DURING ISRAELI TRIVIA ON RAC (RELIGIOUS ACTION CENTER)

IDF PARATROOPERS

NFTY 2007

NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) 2006

MASADA

KIBBUTZ YAHEL

wait, is this too much? kinda starting to see what she's saying. uh oh. it's just that, i wasn't all dat c001 in high skool and well, my frendz are from youth group and i did mannnny jewish things. HEY gregory did them too!!!!!!!!!!!! and he is cool. so transitive property. ! 4M C001 T00.

OH NOOOOOOO

2009-01-25T13:06:00.000-05:00

Conversation I just had with Devra:

molz225: lkajsdlkfjlkajseo ijakd fl;kaksdjf aoiejoai
molz225: ohhh mayyy gawddddd
molz225: my glasses
molz225: i left them somewhere in your house
molz225: FIND THEM PLEASEEELAKSJDLFKJLK I WILL OWE YOU MY LYFE IF YOU FIND THEM
molz225: they are white frams
molz225: frames
molz225: and have some sort of zebra or animal print on the inside
molz225: off white/ creamy frames
molz225: maybe i left them somewhere near the bathroom
molz225: when i was putting my contacts in
molz225: oh gawddd
molz225: srsly
molz225: $20 if you find them
molz225: plus my eternal love
molz225: AND FINE I'LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IN A VID FOR TONY...FREAK

THE GLASSES

etluxeperpetua: hey!!
etluxeperpetua: we found them yesterday
etluxeperpetua: lawls
molz225: ALKJASDLKJF OMG THANK GAWDDD
molz225: I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCHHHAL;KSDJF
molz225: YOU ARE DA BEST GURL
etluxeperpetua: come on
etluxeperpetua: 20 bucks
etluxeperpetua: eternal love
etluxeperpetua: makeout fest 08
molz225: nething you want bby
etluxeperpetua: play wif me this week <3

molz225: done

WhY?

2009-01-24T15:55:00.001-05:00

WHY DOES MYClothesaretOOBIG.BLOGSPOT.COM HAS PRONZ?

THANKS TONY AND DEVRA

FOR PRON

futafan

2009-01-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

sorry toners, but devenders and i have been at it for quite some time now. here's a lil thing i took with my gphone bphone iphone qphone 3G.

technically this is my namesake, kind of fucked up, kind of alt.

Yay I'm Pretentious!!! Or Just KeWl!?!?!

2009-01-24T12:40:00.000-05:00

(LOOK PETER LOOK DEVRA LOOK MEREDITH LOOK GREGORY LOOK MELISSA LOOK ANIME JOSH LOOK PERSON WHO ALSO WRITES ON THIS BLOG THAT I MIGHT HAVE FORGOT I CAN ALSO MAKE TANK TOPS OUT OF T SHIRTS I AM SOOOOOO THRIFTY AND COOL!!!!)

Okay so yesterday I tried to write a "funny" post where assumed the tone of a pretentious music snob. Well that post wasn't funny. In retaliation I posted my favorite youtube videos. Now I will truly repent and actually share music I have been listening to with you guys. These are songs off of albums which I (illegally) own. If you like any of the songs just ask me and I can give you the full album. This is what I have been listening to recently (non-electro version).

Rainbow Arabia fucking rules. They are like M.I.A. mixed with Gang Gang Dance mixed with Animal Collective mixed with Busy P. Basically they are just another dance-y tribal-y fun-y group (they are a married couple OMG SO CUTE!!)
Anyway check out their EP called "The Basta". The artwork alone is enough to digitally own this release.

Rainbow Arabia - See No Hear No

Rainbow Arabia - Tiny Tiny Man

So both tracks are a lot of fun. I don't know why you wouldn't download them...oh wait...I go to Oberlin...no one takes music suggestions...no one likes zshare...no one likes me...SELF PITY POST~??!??! nope nope nope nope

Okay. So who here likes the new Animal Collective album? (Stop raising your hand Devra...you and me are the same person "musically" and in terms of facial hair). Well if you love the new Animal Collective album...or if you liked Person Pitch then this sick group (new and fairly obscure band!!!) Here We Go Magic is making loop-y ambient-y pop-y happy music that makes me really...can I say happy twice? OMG I HAVE SUCH A WITTY E-TONE!!!

Here We Go Magic - I Just Want To See You Underwater

Here We Go Magic - Everything is Big

So grab that shit. It is really good. You really should grab the whole album. OMG U CAN't GRAB THIGNS ON THE INTERNET ITS 2 ABSTRACT LOLLLLL

So who here likes music? This music is very music-y sound-y good-y. It's a band called The Middle East. I know...a heavy handed name for a band. Their music is pretty heavy handed too. Thankfully they aren't making like avant garde ambient or something so when they are heavy handed it really just means they are better cuz they play folk/post-rock and sing really dramatically in soft Australian accents. It is actually superb.

The Middle East - Blood

The Middle East - Fools Gold

(PLEASE LISTEN TO AT LEAST BLOOD OMG OMG SOO GOOD SO MEANINGFUL HEADPHONES ON MY EARS RIDING THE TRAIN LOOKING SO SAD BUT THIS IS LIFE THIS IS LIVING THIS IS MUSIC)

Yay for Emmy The Great!!! Yay!!!! I really like her voice and the unusual musics underneath here are unusually good. Why do I try and describe songs...when you...can just...preview them...and see...if...you are...gay???

WHOA WHOA WHOA SO I JUST SEARCHED HERE NAME ON GOOGLE AND THIS WAS LIKE THE THIRD PICTURE!!! PERFECT ALTERNATIVE BREASTS!?!?!? SHE IS HOT AND TALENTED!!!! PEACE DEVRA!!!????

Emmy The Great - City Song

Emmy The Great - First Love

Well..that is all folks...hopefully ONE of you guys (besides Devra...who (with the use of force) will listen to these songs anyway) checked out the tracks!!! If you liked any of them...please...feel free to acknowledge me in some way that says "tony omg u are like so good at finding music on the interent and therefore cooler than me or at least have a better beard" Thanks guys!!!

Holy Shit This Is Scary/DOPE!!!

2009-01-24T02:15:00.001-05:00

Television Shows I like pt. 7

2009-01-23T19:26:00.000-05:00

So I don't know if you guys are already on this shit, but there is this show on adult swim's current weekday lineup called Superjail. It's probably the most impressive cartoon I have seen in a long time. Each episode resembles what I can only describe as a very twisted acid trip. You should probably check it out, if you haven't already.

I miss you guys...

thought I should update you on my winter term happenings.

So I would say I am probably half way through my project, in terms of time needed to complete certain tasks. I bought half a sheet of masonite and cut it into 16"x16" squares. I sanded and gessoed the squares. I also made a halftone image using a scanned photo of a very youthful me, printed it, and photocopied it onto mylar. I used the picture to make a silkscreen using photo-emulsion. I had to do this twice, because I overexposed the first one or I didn't rinse it well enough or something...at any rate, the ink didn't go through.

So yeah. I have been cutting out lots of stuff to use for collage, and I bought a new bottle of mod podge (Devra, your predictions of my activities were spot on).

see you soon

-Megadeth

I hate myself.

2009-01-23T18:35:00.001-05:00

So we all know that Esra and Busy P are married. And there are some pics on my faceplace that make this perfectly clear (and I am the odd one out) but SERIOUSLY, we found a good stalker pic of Esra and Busy P getting their lovin on.. Check it out. Her face is in between the two faces on the right. She's a beaut, amirite?

CAN U SEE HER? CAN U SEE HER AND P? ?!?!? ?!?!?

I also included a pic of these 2 guyz that kept following me around all last year's coachella.. They were so weird.. and like French or Canadian or Norwegian or something. LOL.

LOL WHO IS CUTER? I CANT CHOOSE LOL.. WHY ARE THEY KISSIN ON EACH OTHER? THEY SHOULDVE BEEN KISSIN ON ME LOL

Ultimately, The point of this post is that I WANT THE COACHELLA LINEUP TO COME OUT.

I got my plane ticket though (lol)! CANt WAIT !L OL!O L!O L I HOPE THE COBRSANCK HIS THEREL OL

BUT SERIOUSLY: IF THE LINEUP DOESNT COME OUT SOON I AM GOING TO POOP EVERYWHERE

IN CONCLUSION,

ESRA AND BUSY P 4 EVER

4 EVER

4 ONE TIME

MELISSA AND A-TRAK

MELISSA AND DAVE 1

MELISSA AND DAVE 1 AND A-TRAK

DAVE 1 V. A-TRAK

MELISSA V. A-TRAK

SEBASTIAN V. A-TRAK

MELISSA V. SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN

I'm sorry

2009-01-23T16:59:00.000-05:00

Just some stuff i've been listening to

2009-01-23T16:24:00.000-05:00

So recently I've really gotten into the whole drone/mathcore/shitgaze/screamo/dreamcore/lion snare/need a large foot to play the tuba upside down. So I mean I just wanted to like show u guys some bands I've been listening 2 recently that have really made me think about what music is and what music isn't and how I can become better at shaving lettmuddy puddle/ slowcore ambient shoegaze and stuff...it really isn't a big deal.

I was at this convention in Sweden with some friends, and we were watching our friends band play this really killer history-core song utilizing bits and pieces of newspaper from pre World War 1. They took the newspaper and burned it. The sound it made reminded me a lot of New York City and when I used to hang out with Michael Gira of Swans and we would burn children in
front of like ten or so stuffed animal biker punks. That was when I would h

op from gallery to gallery making alterations on whatever paintings I thought needed a little more edge. That was back when I stricly wore used Marc Jacobs that I found in the trash outside of places where they filmed BOllywood movies that didn't abide by gender stereotypes...you could call them Avant Garde but that would mean you aren't educated in Polynesian Duck Hunting Film. Speaking of which I'm renting a loft in San Antonio with members of the Spurs. Tim Duncan is helping me record an album made up of mostly found sounds and jew's harp. Basically my parents wouldn't pay for my foot lengthening surgery so I can't play in my friends band Incredible Rainbow Forrest anymore, but I'm taking this as an oppurtunity to continue helping out in Horse Raddish And The No More Children Experiment, you don't need to know anything else about that cuz we should have a split LP with Bruce Willis soon.

So I mean I just wanted to like show u guys some bands I've been listening 2 recently that have really made me think about what music is and what music isn't and how I can become better at shaving lettuce.

The first group that is really making me re-consider everything I know about loving your mother and respecting stop signs is:

ZULI MUSIC

I'm just in love with Zuli. Here profile is set to private and I can't access it. I find this is great commentary on the public/private nature of the post-revolutionary (road) war culture that dominates certain subcultures of slowcorejazzfish groups inside and around Pittsburgh hamburger stores.

Alright this next selection is actually music I can listen to and not just listen to without the help of outside help and this music is actual music that makes noises and its music with and without the sound for your ears a friend of mine sent me this tape directly it isn't a big deal:

I think it's amazing how Ghostface totally re-invents the wheel with this song. Instead of singing or playing the trombone he just talks about finding old tapes of his mom playing with the washing machine backwards. Anyway it's a really great EP but you can only find it on the Oak Vinyl...vinyl...made out of Oak. Oak Vinyl.

The next find is this DJ oh man look at the time i gotta go but srsly these are just some things i've been listening to just thought i'd stop by and say "hey...i'm into cooler music then u"

Is someone trying to hurt me?

2009-01-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

This is a joke, right?

So I go to sit down at my favorite table, at my favorite coffee shop, and it's fucking raining, and I'm really pissed off cause my compy is getting all drizzled on... and I see this fucking shit carved/ written on the table : " There is no justice, only pants."

That is my worst nightmare. No electro, only pants? WHAT THE FUCK?!

IS SOME1 TRYNNA HURT ME?

IT'S NOT WORKIN

U CANT GET TO ME LIKE THIS

I KNOW YR LYING

THIS ISN'T REAL

OMG I'M HYPERVENTILATING. I'm having an existential crisis.

In a world with no electro, and only pants, how can someone like me exist?

Does nothing mean anything anymore?

RIP JUSTICE

RIP STEPHEN

RIP TIGHTS-AS-PANTS

(LOL RIPPED PANTS R KEWL THOUGH CAUSE KANYE SAID SO)

RIP RIP RIP RIP

Does this mean I can only listen to like the animal collectors? or like the fleeted fox? like, honestly, I don't know what I am going to do. Is this the apocalypse? Is this the end of the electro and tights-as-pants?

I'm filled with an angst I have never experienced before. and it's fucking raining on my lappy.

You guys, I think someone's trying to hurt me. I'm serious. Look at how fucking upset I am.

FML

MFL

MLF

MILF

emales from my inbox

2009-01-23T14:12:00.000-05:00

how do yall feel about dis.

is it selling out?

or should we just do that iPod commercie we got contacted about last week?

i heard feist wanted to collab on our blog too...

fame is s0 random!

Call for Submissions: Winter-Term Photos and Blogs

The Office of Communications needs your help for an interactive web site its staff is creating to archive the depth and breadth of projects and internships undertaken by Oberlin students during Winter Term. The Source, Oberlin's weekly campus news email, will also include links to blogs and other online chronicles of 2009 Winter Term projects throughout the month of January. To be included in the Office of Communications web site and the Source, please send an e-mail (the.source@oberlin.edu) with links to news, blogs, and or photos about your internship. The Source staff will share this information with our colleagues who are creating the winter-term web site.

Sincerely,

Nathan Elton
Associate Director
The Office of Career Services
Oberlin College

Adventures in Candyland pt. 1

2009-01-22T15:30:00.000-05:00

ESRA IS SO PUNK ROCK... TABASCO SAWCE LOLLLLL

OH HI.. I'm an ANGSTY TEENGR

Hey guyz. So I've been in candyland for like 2 days now, and I'm having a pretty "weird" time. Right now it's "raining" so I can't "sunbathe" or like "tan" or "whatever." Instead, I am stuck sitting outside of my coffee shop underneath an "umbrella" smoking a tobacco "joint" and reading "Camus."

Anyway, Stephen Malkmus is here. OMG he's walking over. HOLD ON!

Oh fuck, it wasn't Steve. It was just some dick asking me not to smoke. FUCK U DUDE. I CAN SMOKE WHEREVER I WANT... IM AN ANGSTY TEENGR.. K?

OMG IT STOPPED RAINING
ITS SUNNY OUT
G2G WINDSURFFFARRAWRRRRR

luv u guyz
MD

P.S.

I miss u all.

and now i am broke, too

2009-01-22T10:09:00.000-05:00

kant afford bk. going 2 start living in the jungie.

Dev –

I’m getting worried. You haven’t answered or returned our calls for the past two days. Call us, please. Mom will be on her cell all day tomorrow. I’ll be in my office. We’ll take your call whenever you call .

To “motivate” you, I have removed the money that I deposited in your account earlier this week. I’ll put it back when you start responding to us.

Dad

Recursive Broccoli and Other Adventures in San Francisco

2009-01-21T16:39:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I left for San Francisco with my fambily. We had to fly through Seattle, so it was a fucking long trip.

At the Seattle airport, I saw the most beautiful asian infant.

I resisted the urge to steal the beautiful asian infant.

When we finally arrived in San Francisco, I was so excited. I tried to ghostride my wheelie suitcase

It fell and I was really embarrassed.

Saturday night we went out to dinner with my aunt. My parents paid my way through enough wine to get me

almost drunk.

On Sunday, we went to the Fancy Foods Show, which was the reason my parents went to San Francisco in the first place.

My parents run a foods store in Montana.

I had a jolly time at the foods show, for I stuffed myself silly with cheese and chocolates.

On Monday, I stopped by City Lights book store to get my Ferlinghetti on.

Later I visited the museum of modern art.

We left San Francisco on Monday afternoon.

It was a good trip.

edit: oh shit

I forgot to talk about recursive broccoli

it went like this:

at dinner on sunday night

I found some recursive broccoli on my plate

I recognized it because there is a picture of it on the wikipedia page for fractals

anyway

I put a picture of it at the top of the post

no, wait

2009-01-21T01:37:00.000-05:00

this song is about my life

i am not joking

CRAZY POST!

2009-01-20T03:05:00.000-05:00

HEY EVERYBODY!!!! CRAZY POST TIME!!!!
since this site doesn't support gifs, I'm going to link you to another blog i started just for this post.
first though, put on some good music, like "copy" or "truckasauras." links here: (COPY IS MORE TRIPPY SO PROBABLY BETTER FOR THIS POST) (OPEN IN NEW TAB/WINDOW)
COPY
TRUCKASAURAS

OKAY! NOW THAT YOU HAVE THAT SET UP AND ARE PUMPED AND READY 2 GO!1!!1 LET"S GET STARTED!!!!!!
PLEASE INDULGE ME BY CLICKING ON THE LINK BELOW
ENJOI THE TRIP!!!! WHOOOOOO RANDOM LOL HAHAHHA!!!
ENTER AT UR OWN RISK!!!!

THX 4 LOOKING!

Wait one last thing

2009-01-18T01:39:00.000-05:00

Dear Anthony,

Review that attached documents and contact the Office of the Dean of Students to schedule an appointment as required in the attached notice of complaint. You may contact the Office of the Dean of students by calling 440-775-8462 between 8:30 am and 4:30 pm Mondays through Fridays. Do not attempt to schedule an appointment by email.

Anthony, to ensure that this matter is resolved in a timely manner, I am requesting that a hold be placed on your spring enrollment. If you have not met with me to discuss this incident by 4:00 pm 2/5/09 you will be withdrawn from your spring classes. You will be free to participate in add/drop, but will not be able to remain in you classes if you do not meet with me by the appointed time. If you are on campus for Winter Term you may schedule an appointment that will work with both our calendars during Winter Term.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Kimberly Jackson Davidson
Associate Dean of Students

Another Video Cuz There Are Already Two Below Me (Like mah two nuts below mah fuckin belt nah mean hahahah HOLLA!)

2009-01-18T01:31:00.001-05:00

Dude I actually know this kid I swear. He lives like 20 minutes away from where I live. It's so hard not to run over there and just hang out in a place where I can "stay forever"...it will only get better.

Theme to girls' night out

2009-01-16T16:28:00.001-05:00

:(

2009-01-16T16:25:00.000-05:00

corrupting a childhood hobby the bk way

2009-01-16T15:51:00.000-05:00


"are you ready 2 party???"	"It's four in the morning, steve aoki. get out of our apartment."

my new favorite thing to do at "work" (besides vomiting in the water cooler) is to make anime princess dolls of all my favorite friends, family, pets, appendages, diseases, roleplaying characters, coworkers, and porn stars. when i was young(er than i am right now), I would cut out various outfits from magazines such as "NINTENDO POWER" and "EASTBAY", as these were the only subscriptions my brothers received on a monthly basis, and collage them into the animeprincessdoll i desired. it never really quite had the effect i desired, though, and i ended up with lots of Ganondorf bodies accompanied by varying Adidas footwear for heads. after a while i gave it up and started watching porn.

BUT, childhood dreamers, cry not! recently i discovered something called "the internet", which is basically a box with a lot of shit in it that you can play with for free and without your mommy finding out. in this box, they have millions of magazines that aren't of casual sportswear or retired SNES characters. they have this one particular magazine called "Candy Dollmaker 4: Sparkle Edition", that i have been particularily interested in. at first, i thought it was porn, so i really liked it. but after a week or so I realized that most popular porn involves taking off clothing, not putting it back on with rhinestones. upon further investigation, i deducted that it did not feel, smell, or taste like pornography. it felt, smelled, and tasted exactly like a familiar trigonometrical (wow i can't believe that isn't underlined in red. it's a real word. go fig.) equation:

[(eastbay+nintendo power+modge podge)x imagination]/insecurity = ANIMEPRINCESSDOLLS!!!

sparing yall all the deats, i made a lil comic for you to luv. it's that thing that was at the top of this post. i bet it didn't make much sense then, huh? well, now it has 'context within a greater arena' or something gay like that.

luvs devendrs

ps, i i never noticed how similar melissa and steve aoki look until i made them into animeporncess dolls.

I only text (Steve Aoki) when I'm drunk.

2009-01-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

So last night, Devra and I were just drinking "the pain" (my parents don't love me, or whatever) away in "Brooklyn" when we decided to get "wild." In order to get "wild," we walked down the hall to our neighbor's apartment. Our neighbors, "Dj" Chico and "that other guy," were really boring. They were all like, "you're 15, right?" and i was like "fuck you guys, i'm legal!" and they were all like, "seriously, keep your clothes on!" and i was all like, "fuck you guys, i'm legal!" To calm me "down", Chico decided to "DJ" a little bit. It was rly fun, it was all like: "womp womp siren LET ME CLEAR MY (SIREN)" It was so good. IT was almost as good as like the justices, or like Dizzy D. Anyway, I vomited all over his DJ equipment, cause like, I thought that's what people were into (lol). So they kicked us out of their apartment. And since nobody was on videochat, I had to text everyone I've ever met to see what was "going on."

I texted Stephen "Aoki," famous for being "an asshole" and a "dj" and "sometimes" a "model."

Me: "yo, stephen, what's good?"

Stephen: "my name isn't stephen. it's steve."

Me: "lol k. stephen, what r u doing 2nite?"

Stephen: "... I'm actually 'djing' at a hot 'club' tonight."

Me: "omg really? can i come?"

Stephen: "ya totally. who is this again?"

Me: "lol. it's melissa. u came to my party"

Stephen: "oh fuck u, u hipster piece of shit, yr roommate gave me beef... i'm vegan!"

Me: "oh sry. so where is this party?"

Me: "stephen?"

Me: "lol"

Then I called him like, 8 times. which is stupid, cause i've been trying to play "hard 2 get," but i got so drunk that I forgot! lol!

Anyway, last night, the cobrasnake called me and was all like "Steve doesn't wanna hang out with you anymore." and I was all like, "who's Steve?"

RIP STEPHEN

But seriously, Stephen and I have been hanging out for a while. Here's a pic, of me, stephen, and my mom last week:

Anyway, the Cobrasnake was like, a total liar. Cause Stephen called me later in the night, and was all like, yo, let's go to this "bar" in "williamsburg." So Devra, Stephen, Dave 1, DJ AM, and I all went to this bar in "the burg." They proceeded to buy us like, a lot of drinks. Like, a lot being a number greater than 3. After that, Stephen was all like "let's go back to my apartment." So we went back to his apartment, and then they all smoked "dat ganj" and sat on their macbooks for three hours. It was rly lame. I was just trynna get my dick wet, and I just ended up with really bad dry mouth.

RIP STEPHEN

Anyway, this morning, Devra woke up to go to work, and I woke up to follow her around/loiter. Now I find myself in a strange coffee shop in "Dumbo" or "Elephant" or whatever part of BK I'm in. I feel rly bad cause thers this guy sitting next 2 me, and he's like been lookin over my shoulder this whole time "LOL I CAN SEE U" and hes like rly jealous of my adventures in "Brooklyn."

I think I need to vom.

I'm serious.

LOL GUY NEXT 2 ME, WANT 2 GET ME A BAG OR SOMETHING TO VOM IN?

LOL I SEE U READING THIS.

LOL THANKZ.

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

2009-01-16T03:29:00.000-05:00

So this last Saturday me and all my girlfriends decided that we should have a "GIRLS NIGHT OUT!" The best part about our girls night out was that we could go crazy because all our husbands were all home asleep or watching sports center. Sports center is a boring show because it's about sports and we don't like sports because we're women. Anyways, first we all went out to this fancy Italian place called "Johnny's Ristorante," you know that one up north on Aurora and 87th, right next to Al's Hardware and Rite Aid? Anyway, it was REALLY good. I was really proud of myself for ordering one of the best dishes the place has: the "ravioli alla toscano." The waiter himself, who was this darling and handsome young man named "David," said it was his favorite. Sharon's dish, a "chicken marsala con parmiggiano" was also nice, but not as good as mine. Also, you could tell it was a fancy place because everything on the menu had italian names, and you had to look at the description to find out what it was. Anyway, after we finished our meals, we all had a few margaritas and headed out to this exclusive new "club" that Darcy had heard about.
The club was called "Club Fever," and let me tell you, it was an appropriate name, because from the minute I stepped in the door, I felt as if I was possessed. Why else would I have let myself enjoy those complimentary cosmopolitans served by the tan young bartender? Why else would I have danced so much? Honey, let me tell you, I was possessed to DANCE! I danced so hard I bet I raised my internal temperature to dangerous and even pernicious heights! My hips shook more than they had in the past forty years combined! When I got home, I prayed for an extra twenty minutes in hopes that the lesser (yet still dangerous!) demons that had surely infiltrated my soul might be excised.
Here we are a few minutes after arriving at "Club Fever."
So. "Club Fever" was really "happening." I think it was even extra busy that night, because there really wasn't a whole lot of room to dance! I was kind of uncomfortable because I don't really believe in touching other people, let alone other men, besides my husband (who I love to fuck) and my kids. Kelly, on the other hand (she's a bit of a slut), was really enjoying herself and hit it off with this guy named "Paul." I'll forgive Kelly for being such a fucking whore because she really was drunk (poor thing) and she doesn't have a boyfriend right now, so her behavior was kind of excusable. Anyways, here is a picture of Kelly and "Paul" "dancing" (that isn't dancing if you ask me) at "Club Fever."

By now it was almost 10:30, and a "younger crowd" were starting to show up. For the most part, the crowd was "hipper," "louder," and "less white." Despite all the younger people showing up, I still felt like I could hold my own on the dance floor (I can really shake my ass if I need to: it's how Todd first noticed me when we met back in 1978). When things were really heating up (they don't call it "Club Fever" for nothing!) a really super dance couple went on this kind of "stage" thing and performed for everybody. It was just a blast! The boy's name was "Jason" I think and the girl's name was something exotic or hispanic maybe, like "Catalina" or something ridiculous like that. Anyways, "Cartelita" or whatever was kind of skanky, but Jason was just TERRIFIC! Those two were quite the couple, but I'd be lying if I said that I never imagined myself in "Cantina's" place, wrapped up in Jason's muscular, confident arms, his sweaty, firm chest pressed tight against my heaving bosom (but keep in mind that I was possessed by demons)! Here they are.

After they performed, a new dj came on and started playing this awful noisy electric music that had all the "young" "kids" going just wild. Needless to say, I headed back to the bar with Leslie to have a few drinks, and while we were there, we met these lovely young men. They said they were performing later that night at another "club" and that we should come see them and that afterwords there was going to be an "afterparty." I was pretty tempted (and drunk!), but by this point I was just about pooped and ready to head home. I did manage to get a picture of the boys just in case they were famous music stars or something before I left!
Even though they were so young and funny and charming, I really had to get out of there because the dj was terrible. Also, he looked stupid.
If you want to see a website of real djs, ones who can get the crowd on their feet and some asses shaking, check out the website for my favorite dj-ing agency. You can see the website
if you click here
By now it was about midnight, so drunk and giddy, all me and my girls decided that it was time for GIRLS NIGHT OUT to draw to a close. Sharon gave me a ride home in her nice new toyota and when I got home, Todd and I had a nice fuck. Then I prayed, pooped, and went to sleep.

GIRLS NIGHT OUT
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GURLS NYTE OUT
GURLZ NYTE OUT
GURLZ NYTE AUT
GRILLZ NYTE AUT
GURLZ NITE ACHT
KELLY IS A SLUT!

i cant believe i just spent an hour doing this

2009-01-16T00:58:00.000-05:00

somebody kill me

it seemed like such a good idea when i started.

well whatever, i guess i look kind of inspirational.

My Serious Post

2009-01-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

Hey guys Tony here.
Just checking in.
Saying "Hey".
Hey.

So, what have I been doing since I left oberlin?

Well, Here is this DOPE painting thing or something that I saw outside this place where I was walking. it is legit.

As you can see I changed up my style. I figured that if I were to be taken cereally and not with sarcastics then I would have to alter my performance to include maximum normal points. Check out the new style!

I've been working on reading things and smart styles. For one, I've changed the way I eat the things I eat. I like less food and more exercise, and a good job with running! anyway all in them all and early to rise and bed is an apple a day! i'm happy and for my new and serious. Lets get for real this time! Last picture~!!!!!

Movies I Love pt. 1

2009-01-15T17:26:00.000-05:00

I had completely forgotten about Cool Runnings, until today, when I remembered it. For those of you who haven't seen it, I copied the plot-synopsis that I found on imdb.com. It was probably written by a geeky preteen, and there are a few grammatical errors, but I think it describes the movie pretty well.

"Derice Bannock (Leon) has just returned to the United States with his parents after growing up in Africa. Derice is a teenager, who has been home schooled his whole life. His first day in class as the new kid will be his first encounter with the public school system. As the new kid, where will he fit in? Derice first makes friends with two geeks (John Candy and Winston Stona). Then he makes friends with the most popular and beautiful boys in the school, known as 'The Plastics" (Doug E. Doug, Malik Yoba, and Rawle D. Lewis). Derice wants to fit in now and he has friends from two different worlds. To keep them as friends he must do things he has never done before, such as being deceitful, scheming, and finally untrustworthy. He discovers who his real friends are in the end."

What have I been up to? Why, saving the universe!!!!!1

2009-01-15T11:54:00.000-05:00

This January, I've been trying to keep myself busy. I have two jobs, and occasional babysitting gigs, both of which are really helping me to make back the, I shit you not, 100 dollars a week I spent on outside food in Ohio.
Honestly, I have no idea how that happened. Plus, I don't know how I didn't gain a shit ton of poundage.
whatever.
But that isn't what this post is about.
This post is about my calling, my creed. It's about what I've really been doing this month.
What have I really been doing?

Playing Starcraft.

I have been commanding armies of swift zerglings and vicious hydralisks.
I have been building nests, infecting enemies, protecting chrysalae, all from the comfort of my dining room.

What? I meant Command Center.

This is a zergling, it's the basis of any strong zerg force.

Nobody can stand up to me, not the feeble humanoid terrans, with their nuclear force and firebat troops, not even the alien protoss with their lasers and warp rifts.

Fuck all the haters, I am an intergalactic warrior now, and I am lovin' it.

From now on, the only type of party I'm ever gonna go to is a LAN party.

inflation, recession, and the homosexual problem

2009-01-15T10:10:00.000-05:00

On my way to work this morning, I saw several things that bothered me. Because I am a woman, and therefore like to complain and blame things on my vagina, I will tell you what I mother-fucking saw.

First, I saw somebody sitting on a sparkly-purple inflated bouncy ball, the kind lesbians use to do yoga, in the subway. They looked totally dumbstupid. Once their "A Train" arrived (which I can only assume stands for 'Abomination Tosocietyrain), they swiftly deflated the joyous little bouncer, and left its flaccid carcass to rot in the station. Because I take the "F Train", and am an upstanding member of non-butt-licking society, I examined the saddened little thing. And by examined, I mean I pushed it into the subway before the doors shut. "Shows that fucker right!" I exclaimed, before a homeless man pushed me into a pole and I ran away, giggling and flailing my arms wildly.

Next, I decided to purchase some coffee, smoke a cigarette, and poop. The latter is contingent on the first two, you understand. Anyway, after shelling out a slightly absurd $1.50 for a small black coffee (that's 60 gil, if you're playing Final Fantasy in another window or something), I watched a distressed-looking asian man in his mid-to-late-forties purchase a stale bagel with cream cheese and a large coffee (60% milk and two packets of splenda.) The disturbing part isn't that there were asians roaming freely in this coffee shop (although I did wonder how he escaped the cage), but that his meal cost a meager $2.25. What the fuckshit, man?! I bought about 1/4 of the foodrink he did, and payed enough for 2/3 of his mealiething. I should've fucking got half of that bagel, and one packet of splenda. Fortunately, I don't eat because eating shows weakness, so I just stole seven packets of splenda to fuck them over and left them in the handicap stall of the bathroom.

The last thing I saw wasn't really anything I saw, so much as it was the only email I recieved this morning. Recieving emails makes me happy. It makes me feel like I am "a part of this world." One time I saw a music video for a song by Gonzales, who doesn't look very Mexican and so I like him still, and it has people working and recieving emails and drinking orange things. You can watch it here, but watch out because it shows women in the workplace!!! Anyway, the email basically sucked and was from a robotperson working at ebay, so I cried a little and then searched for "happy workers" on images.google.yahoospot.com, and found this. It made me feel better because I am young and indestructable.

------------------------------------------------------------dervendraeh
EDIT: I thought that once I got to work, things would stop bothering me. They didn't.Here is a screenshot of a dumbstupid advertisement that reared it's lil head via facebook.

See if you can tell where it goes from "annoying" to "insulting my intelligence." Give up? Fuck you, really??

Darby's Law Pt. 3

2009-01-15T02:29:00.000-05:00

This is the "Pirate Gang." They are a pretty new and obscure gang, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't watch out for them. I've been following them from the very beginning when they only plundered basements, but now they've moved on to bigger and more lucrative venues. Even though they're a pretty big deal by now (pitchfork "blooged" about them), they are still a threat to the hard working, everyday folks that constitute our readership. Because they still pose a threat, I think it's important that you know about them (knowing is always important. In the G.I. Joe PSAs they say "Knowing is half the battle" and I think they're right).
As I was reading the columns of my fellow "bloggers" on this "blog," I became familiar with a concept called "Darby's Law." When I first read about it, I thought it was all poppycock. "This is gay!" I thought to myself (I mean "gay" as in "homosexual," and not as in "stupid," or any other pejorative). However, events would soon persuade me that I had misjudged Darby's Law's sexual preference. And don't you just know that I realized Darby's Law was legitimate when doing some research on the "Pirate Gang." I experienced it for the first time today when I was searching for "pirate gang" on google images and looking at the above photo in the "image only" mode. Then, I saw more pictures of these same hooligans when I used the "back button." When I pressed "back" on the "keyboard" I found myself at the homage to base debauchery and lasciviousness that these yoller bellied mongoloids call their "website" (That's the Darby's Law part). Now I've seen real "websites" before and they look like this:
Real Website
What I mean is- professionally done, useful, and internet-like: something that makes a person think. As much as it pains me to force your undeserving retinas on this revolting display of knavery, I really have to insist you familiarize yourself with the yahoos of the "Pirate Gang:"
Watch Out!
Also, it would be helpful to peruse the disgraceful and lewd photos of their comrades in arms, "Pirate Gang Pt. 2"'s website:
Enter If You Dare
To avoid the temptation to wrench your eyes from their sockets, I recommend sedating yourself with a blend of bourbon and horse shit.

Here is something else that scares me a lot.

I want to make love

2009-01-15T01:05:00.000-05:00

Darby's Law Revisited

2009-01-15T00:13:00.000-05:00

During the drive to Billings today I randomly started thinking about Heavy D, which is something I haven't really done for a good year or so. A few hours later, I was looking through the 50 cent cassette bin at Ernie November, which had probably only 150 tapes. As Darby's law would predict, I scored a Heavy D tape.

Tell me this isn't Krazee.

Shopaholics

2009-01-14T02:58:00.000-05:00

I hear the kids do drugs these days,
And why they do them I do not know;
It's all beyond me- I'm so amazed
That my heart is filled with woe.

What happened to Dragons, Faeries, and Elves,
Those delightful relics of the past?
If we forget them we forget ourselves
( A prospect that leaves me aghast).

So here's a proposal for you lads
And gals and every in-between;
Give up the reefer, shrooms, and smack,
And embrace the Faerie Queen!

It's so much fun! Huzzah! Hooray!
To traipse with the orcs and elves;
It's just that easy- try it today
And you'll feel better about yourselves.

I'm Just Missundazstood Yall

2009-01-13T15:24:00.000-05:00

So in light of Devra's last post, I wanted to talk a little bit about music. I mean, it's like every blog I read has reviews of the same fucking himpstar albums by the same fucking hamptaro artists. I think it's time to branch out. It's time to look deeper- to search for music that really speaks to the soul. It's time to listen to female vocalists.

(This is the point at which www.myclothesaretoobig.blogspot.com becomes an anti-hespitar musik blog...for real though, none of that herspiter shit that the heistpars put on their ipods)

So recently I discovered this new underground artist, and I have been listening to her debut album nonstop since I bought it at Walmart. The name of the artist is Pink (it is authentic because it is her real name- she must have wacky parents- yeah they must have gone to Pratt or something), which is not to be confused with the color pink, despite her hair being that color (she looks different because she is more real and original than hepistarts musicians). Anyway the title of her album is Missundaztood, which I think tells a lot about how people treat her for being so different and original. The way she spells "Missundazstood" differently than most people would means she is challenging conformist ideals. I mean, she does have a unique name and she does have pink hair. See, she is missundaztood because she challenges society's norms on a daily basis. She is fed up with the hepsiert conformity and she just wants to be different. She wants her appearance to reflect who she is on the inside- a krazy girl who is not like anyone else you have ever met.

Anyway there is one track in particular that I think speaks to me louder than the others- it is almost like Pink wrote the lyrics about my lyfe.

There might be a day everything, it goes my way

can't you think I know I'm superfly?

I might see the world in a world inside of you

Then I just might say goodbye

and it's my name I know

I say it loud cuz I'm really proud

So I guess my main point about Pink is that even though she is really different you should check her out. The CD didn't have an Explicit Lyrics sticker on it so I think you can buy it without your mom showing ID and stuff.

In conclusion- BE YERSELF! Do krazy things because they show everyone how different you really are. Dye your hair some krazy kolor - how else will people know you are different and unique if they can't pick you out from the sea of blonde and brunette conformists!

For real though, it's time to get authentic with our music choices.

It's time we listen to some new music that nobody has heard yet.

Peace, bytches

Meredith "RainbowSparklePunkRebel"

Darby's Law

2009-01-13T11:25:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, my favorite asian and sometimes-lover, Kat, told me about some bullshit theory a friend of a friend came up with, called Darby's Law. According to Kat, this law says that once you learn about something, you encounter it increasingly often, or something gay like that. I brushed it off, like I do with most things I am told by asians, until some strange events occurred at work that urged me to put some more trust in this "theory".

First, I wikipedia'd it. Any idea with a spark of legitimacy has a wiki page, right? Well, Darby's Law was not found (even though Kat swore "it's legit- it has a wikipedia page and everything!"). I did, however, find it on an slightly more colorful online database, namely, Urban Dictionary. According to the foul-mouthed motherfucker of an encyclopedia, Darby's Law is

"... the social law that if you hear a reference to an arcane or forgotten word, idea, or person, you will encounter that word, idea, or person again in the near future."

Sounds pretty faggy to me, but I decided not to completely dismiss it. You see, at my subersecret/utterly mundane and intern-y job, I shelve CDs. Lots and lots of CDs. I had been finding that not only did I know almost all of the CDs being shelved (omg im so cool and in-the-know rite?), but they were rand0mly the albums I had been listening to most recently. This morning was the epitome of such events.

Over the weekend, my boyfriend/parasite/hamster-creature-friend took three hits of acid and swore he found god in Animal Collective's overhyped, quasi-pretentious new album, Merriweather Post Pavilion. I had kind of gotten over my Animal Collective phase, since the majority of my senior year was spent in a Jeep "gettin' my smoke on" to Strawberry Jam, and I kind of hate that shit now, but my obese devotion and loyalty to his music taste overrode that, and I gave the album a spin. To be fair, it's pretty fucking good, in that dizzying AC kind of way.

Anyway, I come in to work and crawl into my shelving-corner to find MPP at the top of the pile. Trippy, although it was just released, so maybe not too Darby-esque. Still, it gets worse.

I have a playlist on my (now stolen) iPod called 'walkfe', because i needed to walk my dog Offie and could not listen to any more electro. The playlist had five albums on it:

1. The Whitest Boy Alive - Dreams

2. Fujia & Miyagi - Transparent Things

3. YACHT - I Believe In You, Your Magic Is Real

4. Shugo Tokumaru - Exit

5. Shugo Tokumaru - L.S.T.

None of these albums are new. In fact, most are from before 2005. Also, none of them are that good. They're enjoyable, don't get me wrong, but none are those hipster staples you hear people raving "THEIR FIRST ALBUM WAS BETTER" over. Especially YACHT. He's the guy who does the beats for The Blow--the worst part of that band. Well, to get to the point, this morning I had to shelve 4/5 of those albums, the excluded one being Shugo's L.S.T., which they don't even fucking own. If they did, I probably would've shelved it.

To be frank, though, I'm not that convinced of this whole Darby thing. Let's get real here: while none of those albums are new (save MPP), they all have some semblance of [brooklyn] street cred. I work at a Music Direction Company in DUMBO. Should I really be surprised that my co-workers have the same music taste as me? So, in order to challenge this coincidence-boner Darby chick, I've developed my own Theorum.

It's called the "FUCK HIPSHTARTS U ALL LISTEN 2 THE SAME GHEY SHIT" Theory.

(credit goes to OCON.)

Which theory do u subscribe to? The choice is yours. But if u choose the wrong one, you're gay.

luvs n tugs

devenderurua

Back in Mantana pt. 1

2009-01-12T01:17:00.000-05:00

meth-more-meth

like-a

tweak-da-tweak

pickin at dem bugs

losin muh teef

ya dig?

dance!!!! in brooklyn!!!

2009-01-09T15:06:00.000-05:00

oh hai guys
so last night at our 'pad' in 'brooklyn' my roommate melissa (who i don't really like or know or anything... i think she's a "hipster") and i had this really cool and super exclusive dance party.

actually it was more like one of those parties where suddenly a bunch of people you don't know show up and drink all your shit and then give you beef when you ask them to leave..
like literally, this one guy handed me steak...
so random.
so anyway, i'm standing in the hallway with a steak in one hand, a pbr in the other, and twenty-five grams of cocaine in the other other, and guess who fucking walks through the hallway?

none other than the asian fashion icon superstar, best known for his work in the hit tv series 'scrubs',

STEVE AOKI!!!!!

it kind of sucked actually, because what you don't know about steve aoki is that he is a total douche. he brought all these random bros with overbleached hair who TOTALLY RUINED my buzz. they started rolling ganj on melissas bed or something, and then we all went apeshit and like totally TKO on their asses. that steak from earlier actually came in hand, too, because i think the little shits were vegan, and i told them it was tofu steak and then they ATE IT!!!! hahahahahahha omg fuck vegans lol

yeah, it was an okay night.

so now i'm at work, and still drunk, and really greasy, and i smell like old curry and stale beer. i fell over into a shelf of cds, and spent an hour reorganizing them. i also vomited in the water cooler, but i don't think they noticed because they also look pretty fucking drunk, nawmean???

oh, fuck, steve aoki is calling me.

i think he's trying to get with my roommate.

XOXO

Read YER BIBLE

2009-01-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about this past semester. There is a large gap of time between sometime in October and sometime before finals when I don't remember existing. I don't mean to use the word "existing" in an "existential" fashion, but I instead am referring to existence in a social sense of the word. Interestingly enough, I also don't remember spending a particularly large amount of time in my room during this period, and I also don't remember spending a particularly large amount of my time anywhere else. I do remember being plagued with tonsillitis, pneumonia, and bronchitis, in succession- due in NO PART to my smoking of green things or else-what (actually it is probably all my fault). By Thanksgiving, my bronchioles were like "Fuck you I'm out, via the mouth-hole on your head-piece". But I digress. So I concluded that I must have slept through all of November.

In short, I spent a lot of time in my room.

Then it hit me-

I spent a lot of time in my room.

I am one of those people who spends a lot of time in their room.

I don't want to be one of those people.

I started writing a letter-

Dear Gaud,

It's me, Meredith. Out of all the things my heart desires for this spring semester, the thing that my little heart desires more than anything is an immune system. Please, Gaud, help me to remember to eat my vitamin C chewable tablets, and help me to not consistently appear waif-like and anemic. All I ask, Gaud, is that you send me some guiding light so that I won't end up being a person who spends a lot of time in their room.

Thank you for answering my prayers,

Little Meredith Poppertoppin

fuck

shittttshitshitfuck

i'm a dead man

in this world of living socialites

wurk

2009-01-08T11:37:00.000-05:00

"oh hey there!!!! u caught us off-guard lols"

life is not all fun and games

we can't just dress up in chicken costumes and engage in zany wiskfights as a tribute to bdsm.

we can't. i know you want to,

meredith,

but we can't.

and that's why we go to work.

to save the world from entropy [via krazie old ladies].

i'm not allowed to tell you anything about my 'job', because it is suber secret. (isnt that a cool word suber? i made it up. you can use it if you want, but you shouldn't because it's gay and i just made it up so that gays could use it and i could laugh at them and call them gay because thats what my 'job' is.)

shit you weren't supposed to know that!!!!!!

anyway i would tell you that today i filed some shit and then listened to some other shit and then pooped in the office but i can't cause its a secret.

sorry internet!!!! maybs next time.

in conclusion, bkwegosoft

ps- jk methedith. we can toats whip out those chicken costumes. life is all fun and games when you're really rich and knit a lot and also have overmedicated adhd and also friends who are also overmedicated for their add. this was just for the peasants to 'read' on their 'macbooks' (jk everyone knows peasants don't have macbooks and kant read. they have dells rite??)

Seasoned Beatings from Montana

2008-12-29T13:53:00.000-05:00

halp

somehow I ended up in Montana for Christmas

somehow I also live here

what should I do?

It has been pretty cold here but the past couple of days have been above 0 degrees.

I tried to go skiing but our car somehow got eaten by a snowbank.

AAA has had to tow my family's car out of a snowbank 3 times in the past week.

methmethmethmethmethmethmethmeth

Christmas was ballin'

my parents gave me a set of prismacolor colored pencils and some economics type books

meth

I'm bored here! meth isn't working anymore!

I cut off the party half of my mullet

and i got all the bugs out of my skin

finally

I miss everybody and I can't wait to have a party when we all get back to Oberlin.

The party will have lots of meth and to come you have to bring a date- bcuz the theme of the party is domestic violence. There will be party games like "pin the rock on the crack pipe" and "give yer date 2 black eyes". Whiskey and marlboro reds for every boy and girl. Stray cats welcome. Guns required.

If you can't come to the party, let me know before hand, because I need to know how much food to not buy, because we will all be on tweak so we won't be hungry.

holla

Meredith Crack

BAMFetamine queen

lets get out of ohio.

2008-12-18T20:33:00.000-05:00

a haiku, by devra

finals are finished

adderall no longer strong

sleep, or get straight fucked?

meredith left obie trice at 4:30 today.

it's probably really really cold in montana, and i don't even think they have amphetamines up there.

wait, just kidding, methamphetmine is definitely an amphetamine.

wish her a merry christ time!

don't get too cracked out, merriedeth!
luvs.